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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Why Trivial Arguments Piss Me Off – A Diatribe


It is true, trivial arguments do annoy me. I do not participate in them. I do NOT like being around people who do it. I have lived in two foreign countries, one of them is a first world and the other is a third world country. I saw people who have REAL problems. You know...children digging in garbage for food. That sort of thing.

Winning a Trivial Argument
When people bitch about trivial things, it annoys me because the argument is an energy sucker. Allowing this trivial crap to imbibe one's talent, energy, thoughts and time is one of the stupidest things a person can do. Trivial arguments are parasite that feed on our valuable time. 


It gives us nothing. It does not improve our lives. It does not improve the lives of others. When we are dead, the world is not a better place because we engaged in the argument.

Engaging in trivial arguments is like competing in the special Olympics. Even if you win – you are still a freaking retard. Congratulations. Here are your trophies. You should be so proud.

What is most interesting to me is that people get very angry about their trivial bullshit. Those negative feelings fester and rot. It brings me back to my original point – how in the hell is your life any better? Have you really used your time wisely?

When I was little my father and I would argue about trivial bullshit. I was a child and did not know any better. He was an adult and should have known better. We would argue about which language came first, French or English. We would argue about which country was defeated by Hitler first. Some of the arguments I would win and some arguments he won. Whenever I won an argument my Dad could not tolerate the idea of being beaten by a 13 year old girl, so he would back pedal and redefine a word in order to make himself appear like the winner – which of course would piss me off to no end.

Oh, but we were not debating which language came first, we were arguing about which one was fully developed first.” Being a linguist, I know that languages are never fully developed, they are constantly evolving. But that is beside the point, you get the idea.

Then he would have this annoying, condescending laugh that would even make me angrier. Incidentally, I have not spoken to the man in ten years.  
Trivial Arguments are Energy Leeches
We had one big argument which caused me to leave his home. He insisted that psychology was wrong because it was a, “big generalization”. My Dad insisted that psychology was wrong and not a  useful tool in helping psychological problems.


Being a child I did not have the vocabulary to express myself. Nor did I have the mental capacity to form good argumentation. Even if I had those abilities, the arguments my Dad loved having were still Special Olympic Trivial Bullshit that he staged so that he would always come out the winner. It would have been a lose situation for me regardless.


 So my anger at this man would build up. Dad would win his wheel chair race and then do that little laugh of his. That little laugh which said, "you silly little people are not nearly as smart as I am. he..he...he..."So dad would win his Special Olympics and that little giggle of his was his trophy. 


 My anger would come out in other ways which made both of our lives a living hell. I suppose this dance we had significantly molded my personality today. What I wish I had said to him was, ”Oh, it is a big generalization is it? And you learn this because you have taken psychology classes? Oh, that’s right! You have never even read a REAL psychology textbook from cover to cover. You have a High School diploma...and you seem to know so much about something you have never studied. How did you learn this... osmosis? You put the psychology book up to your head and the information just oozed into your brain by osmosis or something?” But, if I had said that, I would be in the Special Olympics too.

Arguing about trivial bullshit is bad enough, but when a person does not know what in the hell they are talking about - that is even worse. I cannot emphasize enough how this behavior literally destroyed my relationship with my father. In his delusional mind, he still thinks that the reason things are not good between us is because my  mother raised me when I was very little and he did not get me until I was older. (Still not taking any responsibility for his behavior). But the truth is, all of those trivial arguments I had to participate in when I was a child built an volcanic rage in my thirteen year old self, to the point that I would rather watch my mother drink herself to death than listen to his condescending laugh.

We see this behavior on the internet. People argue in comment sections about trivial bullshit all the time. The best response is to just ignore it. It is pretty hard ignoring it when you have to live with the people who do it.

$2.50 was too expensive for this family
My dear maternal grandmother whom I love very much pasted away in 2002, a little over one year after my mother died. She was even guiltier of engaging in trivial arguments than my father. Fortunately I did not have to live with her and listen to the silliness as much as with my father.


 Grandma would complain about having to pay the city a fee to approve the plan for her new deck. The cost was $1 for every $1000 you spent on the project. Her deck cost her about $2500. I wanted to just give the woman $2.50 and tell her to be quiet so we could focus our energy talking about positive, happy things, or perhaps do something constructive with our time. The fact is that all building plans have to be approved by the city. Why do so many people die in Turkey when there is an earthquake? Because they do not have to pay $2.50 to the city! Welcome to life in a first world country – a place where the government does not want you to die in an earthquake! Of course, I would never say such a thing to her.

When I lived in France, my ex-boyfriend’s family was really good at complaining about trivial crap. Dinner conversations were mostly about them complaining about this thing that is wrong, that thing that is wrong, the other thing that is wrong. The whole world and everybody in it is just – wrong.

I wish people would just realize that the real problems in life come down to these things:

1. Marrying the wrong person
2. Having a child with the wrong person
3. Someone blind siding you on some idle Wednesday at three fifty-two pm
4. Making a decision to eat 3000 calories every day when your body only needs 1700
5. Sucking on that cancer stick because you are too selfish and lazy to quit

Instead of wasting time bitching about trivial bullshit that does not make anyone’s life better, I suggest get off one's lazy butt, go to the community college and take a class. Chose anything of interest. If one is busy doing homework, learning something new or studying then they will actually be doing something constructive with your free time.

This is what I want to do
I know that some things are more important to people than other things. Unless it is really important and will have a demonstrable effect on life – the bitching, whining, arguing, and complaining get on my nerves. I do not want to be around it. I do not want to be around people who do it. It brings up a lot of bad feelings in me and I do not like feeling that way.

I have a cousin that would bitch about how my grandmother would eat her fish sticks. Seriously! Who gives a crap! Let her eat her fish sticks however she wants.

There are people who tell others not to drink cold wine, wine is “supposed” to be served at room temperature. Personally, I love a glass of room temperature Pinot Noire from time to time. But Who cares about that trivial baloney! Drink your wine however in the hell you want to drink it. It is your life – live it how you want.

When people whine about these things, I want to grab thick duct tape and wrap it around their mouths until the shut the hell up. There is nothing worse than a nag. Unfortunately, I cannot do that because I will end up in jail. So instead I chose not to be around people who engage in these retarded arguments.

My mother once got into a HUGE argument with one of her sisters about whether or not you could call a large mirror a vanity if it did not have light bulbs around it. Yes - it was an actual argument that ended with these two women calling each other stupid. Just another relationship damaged because of trivial bullshit. Why do people do this? Why cant they just agree to disagree, validate each others position, and call it a day? But moreover, why even engage in the discussion in the first place?

I know that I will be called a sexist for saying this, but I think that women are more prone to being nags than men are. Women are more prone to whining about trivial bullshit than men are. In my fathers case, it is because he things that he is a genius. He is a judgmental, ignorant jerk who has never given me credit for my accomplishments in life. When I finished High School I was valedictorian. My father postulated that the only reason I achieved so much was because I was trying to 'prove him wrong.' Actually, what the Rush - Limbaugh-Wanna-Be did not know is that being valedictorian is a accumulation of Four Years of hard work. I was always a studious, hard working kid. He just failed to recognized it because he was too busy trying to mold me into a little version of himself, which would be a hateful Republican who thinks people should starve to death before getting a cent from the government.  The man never provided for my education, not in high school or college. He never purchased a single book for me. He never offered to pay a cent for my tuition. But he sure had no problem taking credit for my accomplishments. In fact, since I have chosen not to speak to him anymore, he just ignores my accomplishments. He wants me to be a failure as long as he is not in my life. He wants me to be successful only if he can take credit in some way.


He has never demonstrated an ounce of pride that I speak French fluently. For that matter, I have studied Italian, Spanish, Swedish and now Mandarin Chinese. But then again, he is an ethnocentric, anglo-centric person who thinks that the world revolves around the United States of American. When he met my husband for the first time, he was surprised that my husband would lower himself to marrying someone like me, someone who has "never done anything with her life." With that - I would like to give this man a great big Fuck You. 


I have more education than he does. I have traveled to Europe six times on my own dime. I owned a business is France. I owned real estate at the age of 25. I volunteered for GMHC for two years, visiting an elderly man dying of AIDS, and this man...this truck driver with a high school diploma told my husband that I have never done anything with my life. 


Yes ladies and gentleman, that is my father. I am so proud. (cough) This man does not really love me, and I know it. He has never really provided for me the way a father should. He has lied to me. He has been thoughtless, insensitive and very hurtful. 


So how does all of this tie into my disdain for trivial arguments? Because a person's pride is wrapped up so much into these arguments. 


As for me, I have no intention on running in the Special Olympics with Sarah Palin's son. I am going to focus on the things that are REALLY important in life. 


This is more important to me than arguing bullshit
Being a good mother. Educating my children. Treating them fairly. Taking care of my wonderful husband. Treating strangers with kindness. Giving back to society. Planting flowers that everyone can enjoy. Making this world a more beautiful and pleasurable place to live in. 





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